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- CULTURE -
The Indo Femme - The New Generation of Indian Feminists with Krishna Maisuria
I am a fusion child. From growing up I’ve had a dual identity of being both British and of Indian nationality. I was set with certain expectations and standards in my family. I had very strict parents. I wasn’t allowed to go out. I was expected to be polite, get good grades in school and go onto study subjects like Maths or Science to become a doctor or a lawyer. Just like any typical Asian household.
Growing up it was only my sister and I. We both had to learn how to cook, clean and do the general basics of a stereotypical woman’s role in a family. It was all about being the housewife and looking after everything and everyone else. Being the youngest child, my sister had most of the major responsibilities of looking after me and helping my mum out.
"Why couldn't I take over the family business and be the "man" of my house?" - Krishna Maisuria
The most common phrase I always heard growing up from my mum and sister was how my dad always wanted boys in the family. He didn’t want girls and when my sister and I came along, it was kind of like “you just have to deal with it” reaction.
I have always noticed how my dad ends up treating us like boys and then also from time to time little children. He doesn’t fully see us as his two daughters because in his mind he always wanted boys.
Why? So that boys can carry on the household name, go to work and look after the business. To be the “man of the house”. My question was; why couldn’t we be the equivalent? Why couldn’t I take over the family business and be the “man” of the house?
I have always wondered why my dad saw it like that, for the women in the family to stay home and be the “housewife” whilst the men go to work. Why can’t both my mum and dad go to work and handle the business and be equal business partners? Of course, over the last 10 years that changed – around the time the separation of my parents happened.
Back in India, it’s my dad’s side of the family have that have big gender role issues. For generations, it has been the women that have been the housewife whilst the men go outside to work. Where my dad was brought up in that same environment - it was all he had ever known. So, after marrying my mum and moving to London, he portrayed the same typical gender role issue throughout his married life.
He was unhappy with my mum’s career, who had an amazing job in the City, and had big issues when she travelled around the UK for work from time to time. This was the beginning of many frustrations and issues within the relationship. I once had a conversation with both my Mum and my Baa [my maternal grandmother]. I asked my Baa why she saw a difference between treating her daughters and sons different to each other.
For example, why was my Mama [my mum’s older brother] was allowed to go out with his friends growing up - yet my Mum was not allowed. She replied, “because that was how it was with me and my brother. I stayed home, I was the eldest to look after my baby brothers and cook and clean, whilst the boys could go out”. My Dada [my maternal grandfather], according to my mum, was very strict. She couldn’t go out with her friends or to school dances like Prom. Education wasn’t a huge deal to her parents in general. They didn’t push for University – just to complete her O-levels (a GCSE-A Level equivalent) and that was it.
She wishes to this day, that she had a much closer and stronger relationship with her mum and dad; where she could speak freely as she could and have open discussions about any topics, to not feel trapped or conformed to her parents’ restrictions.
The topic of marriages and relationships came up within my conversation as I wanted to find out my Baa’s views on marriage outside our religion. According to my Mama, there have been past marriages in our extended family where people have secretly married a non-Hindu and have had to flee from their parents. They became disowned and were no longer a part of the family.
I asked why was my Mum’s youngest brother was an exception - he married an English woman to then have my cousin - who is half Indian, half English. He was made an exception for other reasons due to his mental health and state of mind.
“So, Baa, if I were to marry, or any one of us grandchildren someone who isn’t Hindu, how would you feel?”. She replied, “Personally I wouldn’t like it. It makes life a lot easier when two people are the same religion especially in the future for kids. It would make me happy if he was Hindu”. But, what if I chose non-Hindu?
To my Baa she gave me this advice, which she said the same to my sister when she got married, “Make sure they are the one you want to spend your life with and that they make you happy and you are happy with them. Not 10 years down the line you change your mind and get divorced, you need to be fully sure they are the one. If you’re happy then I’m happy”.
It is issues like these within the South-Asian community that young people, like me, still struggle with; choosing someone outside of your religion for life.
Yet, whose happiness do we have to sacrifice? Our own, or our parents?
One thing that still confuses me to this day, is that if there was a boy in our family, would my parents treat us equally? I asked this question to my Mum and her opinion and views were simply: yes. She’d teach him to cook and clean, as well as other days to day roles in the house, so that it would not fall completely on the girls in the family. I didn’t think my Dad would see eye to eye.
This is why I am a feminist and this is what led to the creation of Angrējī.
Aṅgrējī is a book which showcases my skills and creativity in the art of makeup, It’s a reflection of my heritage and where I come from. Aṅgrējī means ‘English’ in Gujarati, which is my home language that my family speaks. Even though we’re still Indian, we try to be English as well.
Aṅgrējī shows the double identity; the fusion of two cultures together, but through makeup artistry. Growing up I wanted to fit in and not be ‘fresh’ - to try and be more English - instead of embracing my culture. Little things like how we have a lot of facial hair and thick baby hairs or the religious aspect of our culture and how colourful everything is can impact the way we see ourselves. It’s the little things that make who we are as a person. Having that dual heritage makes us more special and we should fully appreciate that.
So many young South-Asians have to deal with a dual identity of growing up in their home country with modern views and movements such as feminism, but still having to keep with their Asian roots, family traditions, and expectations.
But this doesn’t mean I want to change my views and keep with every single tradition in my culture. There are a lot of old traditions that I don’t want to embrace. I want to change the taboo around gender roles. The expectations of girls versus boys and how they differ. Marrying outside our religion, as my Baa said. All the things that I’ve seen being pushed onto my parent’s generation and onto my generation as well, I don’t want that. We are slowly starting to break away from those traditions but there is still a long way to go.
I never want to disregard and push away my religion and culture - I would forget who I am. I want to send a message to every fusion child to embrace who they are and where they come from.
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.
Written by Hannah Mathieson
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